Repose of the Soul

"Today, act as if you are a woman with repose of the soul. Greet everyone you meet with a warm smile. No matter how busy you are, don't rush your encounters with co-workers, family, and friends. Speak softly. Listen attentively. Act as if every conversation you have is the most important thing on your mind today. Look at your children and your partner in the eyes when they talk to you. Stroke the cat, caress the dog. Lavish love on every living being you meet."
-Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy

How I would love to take this challenge on.

Right now I feel like I'm in the active stages of labor. So focused on just surviving each moment that I lose track of everything around me - all the details, all the beauty. Life is overwhelming. I am constantly behind. Each step is a struggle, and it doesn't seem to be taking me forward at all.

It's not that life is all about me. I'm not such a terrible person that I only think of myself. I want to reach out, help others, be a friend. But I am in such pain that I can't get beyond it. I am drowning.

I think - if only I can get enough sleep. If only I can get some time to myself. To think and meditate. To get out of the haze. Yet life keeps happening, my child keeps moving, the house keeps leaning towards chaos, and I have to struggle to keep up.

I long for the transition stage. When all of a sudden, in an instant, my surroundings come into focus, and I can see what's going on once again. There is still pain, but I know that it's for good. And I know where I'm going. And I know that the pain will be over soon. I can see beyond myself. I can love others.

I long for repose. But I don't know how to get there.