Thursday 13 - Change Needed

Do you ever take a physical assessment of yourself and come up with a plan for change? Here's my self-improvement plan...

1. Straighten my teeth
2. Whiten my teeth
3. Lose weight
4. Get fit
5. Get my hair cut and highlighted, or something
6. Lasik surgery so I can lose the glasses
7. A new wardrobe
8. A makeover and lessons on makeup
9. A pedicure
10. Something to eliminate bad breath for sure and forever
11. Time in my schedule to keep myself looking fit and good every day
12. A belly ring
13. While we're at it, breast implants, and maybe a face lift...

And that's just the outside. Can you imagine all the changes needed on the inside? And all the changes I want to make to my surroundings? Where do I start?

Repose of the Soul

"Today, act as if you are a woman with repose of the soul. Greet everyone you meet with a warm smile. No matter how busy you are, don't rush your encounters with co-workers, family, and friends. Speak softly. Listen attentively. Act as if every conversation you have is the most important thing on your mind today. Look at your children and your partner in the eyes when they talk to you. Stroke the cat, caress the dog. Lavish love on every living being you meet."
-Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy

How I would love to take this challenge on.

Right now I feel like I'm in the active stages of labor. So focused on just surviving each moment that I lose track of everything around me - all the details, all the beauty. Life is overwhelming. I am constantly behind. Each step is a struggle, and it doesn't seem to be taking me forward at all.

It's not that life is all about me. I'm not such a terrible person that I only think of myself. I want to reach out, help others, be a friend. But I am in such pain that I can't get beyond it. I am drowning.

I think - if only I can get enough sleep. If only I can get some time to myself. To think and meditate. To get out of the haze. Yet life keeps happening, my child keeps moving, the house keeps leaning towards chaos, and I have to struggle to keep up.

I long for the transition stage. When all of a sudden, in an instant, my surroundings come into focus, and I can see what's going on once again. There is still pain, but I know that it's for good. And I know where I'm going. And I know that the pain will be over soon. I can see beyond myself. I can love others.

I long for repose. But I don't know how to get there.

If I Had My Life to Live Over

I received in a forwarded email. A great reminder to enjoy every moment instead of wishing for tomorrow...

If I Had My Life to Live Over
by Erma Bombeck, written after she found out she was dying from cancer

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm sorry's."

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute, look at it and really see it , live it and never give it back.

What Kind of Dessert Are You?

This sweet post has been entered into Scribbit's March Write Away Contest.

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What is your favorite dessert?
(a) Lemon Meringue Pie
(b) Cheesecake
(c) Brownie
(d) Doughnut

No doubt you've seen personality tests flying around that relate you to some type of delectable treat. They bug me a little. Because I can never make up my mind on questions like the above. I love them all!

And truth be told, I AM them all. I am a woman and a mother, after all.

Lemon Meringue Pie. That's me, all right. The perfect combination of flaky crust, tart innards, and sweet topping. I am constantly multi-tasking, trying to juggle a myriad of tasks. Depending on when you catch me, you might get any of those hats, those three tastes in your mouth. Always a surprise, it is.

Cheesecake. I savor every luscious bite of life, especially where my baby girl is concerned. I treasure each new development: the first time she says "I love you," the first time she prays, the first time she writes her name. Yes, my life is certainly cheesecake, full of decadent moments of sunlight and joy, growth and thankfulness.

Brownie. I definitely have some chocolate in me. That addictiveness, devotion, loyalty to something that defies explanation. Women aren't about being explained. Some things are just because they are. And the solutions to our problems aren't straightforward, though they are sometimes simple. Sometimes it's just a matter of having a brownie or a listening friend. That's me.

Doughnut. Comfort food. As a mother, it's my role in life to create a comfort zone. A place where people can take off their shoes and make themselves at home. A place where my family can retreat after a tough day in the battlefield of life and recover to face the next day. I am comfort food, sometimes with Bavarian cream, sometimes with strawberry jelly, and sometimes just with open arms. But always sweet, always filling, always soothing.

What kind of dessert am I? I am whatever is needed. I am surprising, luscious, loyal, and comforting. I am a woman. I am a mother.

And right now I'm rather hungry, too.