Too Late

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." -George Eliot

I just missed out on my 20th high school reunion. There are several reasons I didn't go. But one of the major reasons is I didn't want to think about what might have been. I didn't want to remember everything I dreamed of being 20 years ago and have to compare it to where I am today.

Sad, isn't it? Former friends and acquaintances that I missed out on seeing and reconnecting with. Because of my own insecurities and issues.

Right now I just don't believe what George Eliot said. It IS too late. You can never go back and redo your past, hit the "undo" button. Your past is an indelible part of you that you can't shake.

What you can do is start again. Start fresh. You still have all your baggage and past life to deal with. But you can adjust your course right now.

That's what I want to do, if I can just cut through the fog...

I've purchased The Love Dare, by Stephen & Alex Kendrick. I'm going to start through it tomorrow morning, if I can just break away from being a mom for a few minutes. I'm hoping this will be my fresh start. We shall see...

If I Had My Life to Live Over

I received in a forwarded email. A great reminder to enjoy every moment instead of wishing for tomorrow...

If I Had My Life to Live Over
by Erma Bombeck, written after she found out she was dying from cancer

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm sorry's."

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute, look at it and really see it , live it and never give it back.

A Woman Should Have...

I just received this quotation by Maya Angelou in my email inbox. It's all about that woman I desire to become...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....

something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

a youth she's content to leave behind....


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra....


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....

one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....

a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

a feeling of control over her destiny...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to fall in love without losing herself..


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship....


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW....

when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it..


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .

whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
or a charming Inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...

Who Am I?

I am unnamed. But that does not mean I don't exist. Let me tell you who I strive to be. Who I really am inside, once you get past the flawed outer layers.

My Personal Affirmation

I am a child of God, blessed and loved as I am. He gives me the courage and confidence to face every challenge of every day as I stay in His will. His love compels me to love each person I come across in my walk with Him. Loving God and others is my #1 priority.

I am a bright, knowledgeable woman with many talents. I use these for God’s glory, not my own. I nurture these talents with study and practice. I do not shy from using my talents, but rather take every opportunity to use them when they will demonstrate love for God and others.

I am a steady, upbeat woman who enjoys having fun and finds ways to brighten my day by brightening others’. I strive to find the best in each person.

I am a beautiful, physically fit, healthy woman. I honor God with my body, submitting my desires to Him each day.

I am a loving wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend. I value the relationships in my life and nurture them as a testimony of God’s love to me.

I use my resources wisely and live a balanced, mission-focused life.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

I am who God created me to be.

Why?

I have another blog. It's fun. It's rewarding. I have blogging friends, followers, regular commenters.

But lately, nothing feels inspired.

I have so much I want to say. But I don't like being vulnerable. I don't want my own family, let alone the world, to know the weak parts of me. I have a pride issue, I think.

This is my first step in reaching out. I'm not ready to take ownership of what I write, yet. But I can't hold it in any longer.

Maybe I'll change. Maybe I'll want to share who I really am with the world one day. Maybe it will accidentally be uncovered and I'll have to accept the consequences. That's a risk I'm finally willing to take.

If you guess who I am, which is certainly not impossible, do me a favor. Don't say anything about it. Let me live in ignorance, so I can be free to speak what's on my heart.

And in a way, speak on behalf of thousands of unnamed, anonymous women everywhere.

Thank you...